Category Archives: Reflections

Flow – Achieving Happiness

Leave a reply

I’m currently reading the book “Flow” from Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. The subtitle is “The classic work on how to achieve happiness”, so it seemed like a good book to read. Not to say that I’m not happy, on the contrary, but there is always room for improvement when it comes to topics like this one.

I haven’t finished reading the book yet, but so far, it’s very interesting. It’s also at times a bit long-winded. Mainly when reading through the elaborate examples takes a couple of hours, which in my case most of the time means that it takes several days just to get through the examples. I didn’t find flow while reading those parts :).
I’ll try to write a couple of posts about the bits that I did find interesting though. A good reason to write a blog post is always to be able to find something that you might want to get back to later. Also, I quite often experience flow while writing a post, which means it lets me experience happiness.
And perhaps others find it interesting, enjoyable or inspiring too, which would be a bonus!

The book, of course, starts by explaining when you’re most likely to experience flow.

  • When you can fully concentrate on a single task or activity
  • When you know you will be able to complete the task, but it still provides sufficient challenge (it’s not boring)
  • When you don’t feel self-conscious

A good example for me is that I can experience flow Mirjam Tennis
when I’m playing tennis. I like to constantly improve myself and very much enjoy practicing. It is also possible to find flow while playing a match, as long as you’re more focused on the process than the outcome. I’m not too good at that and thus don’t really enjoy playing matches.

Running is another activity that lets me experience flow. It allows me to set a challenge depending on how I feel, or how much time I want to spend running when I go out. I can focus on sticking to a certain pace, ensuring that I run a certain distance, or go out for intervals and try to survive (anyone who has ever done intervals will understand that).

It is also possible to experience flow from for instance studying beautiful paintings, reading or writing poetry, cooking or eating wonderful food, dancing or listening to music. Reading all these examples made me think about many different things that I would like to spend (more) time on like going to museums, baking cakes, reading and playing golf. I’m pretty sure I could easily fill my days if they were twice as long!

At least that gives me plenty of motivation to start the next book I want to read, which is “Busy” by Tony Crabbe…

After summer dip

Leave a reply

Do you know the feeling you get when summer is over, when days are getting shorter and traffic jams are getting longer?

I always get into an after-summer-dip this time of year. Feeling a bit gloomy that summer is over and that we are on our way to another cold, dark winter. I realize this sounds a bit dramatic, but it feels like that too!
Normally I’m very well organized, my house is generally very tidy and chores are done when they need doing. I also tend to be able to kick myself in the behind to get some exercise done during the workweek. Right now, the laundry pile is bigger than it normally is, overblown flowers are staring at me from their vase and I can’t motivate myself to go for a run when it’s already dark when I get home from work.

summerisover

The best way to conquer the gloominess, at least for me, is to stay active, but that is also the most difficult thing to do.
Last week during the week I spend my free hours (not that many of them) on the sofa, catching up on some TV shows. I didn’t do any housework and I didn’t get as much exercise as I would normally get. Yesterday I did the one thing that makes many women feel better. I went shopping! After a search that spanned several months I finally find the exact sofa that I want and I ordered it.

Finding and buying the sofa felt very good, but it also made me feel guiltier for being a slob. To top it off I went to bed way to late and didn’t do any ab-exercises. A vicious circle.
This morning when I woke up I decided that enough was enough. I got up and started the day with some serious ab-exercises. Then I did laundry, had breakfast, watered the plants and cleaned the bed sheets.
And I felt a LOT better already!

The rest of day I got some more exercise, did chores, I was reasonably active, but also had enough time to relax and enough energy and motivation to write this blog post as a bonus.
So, this is a note to self: if you feel a bit down again because of the lack of daylight, or because the leaves are falling, kick yourself into gear and get moving!

Happiness Can Be Found, Even In THe Darkest Of Times, If One Only Remembers To Turn On The Light - Albus Dumbledore Quote

Divide or Conquer

Leave a reply

Many people will probably recognize this situation, as I see it happening all around me.
When you are working in a fast-paced organization you will probably get opportunities on a regular basis. However, your existing work will generally not be ending or handed over as quickly as the new work starts.
As you want to seize the opportunity of starting that cool new role, or that fun and challenging new project, you agree to, or decide to do both your existing and your new role or project.

I always felt that I’m able to handle multiple roles or projects. I work pretty quick and I have a good memory, which helps when you have to switch context.
A few months ago though, I found myself with only one role for the first time in a long time. And it was GREAT. It turns out that even though it’s possible to have more than one role or project, it’s still a lot easier and nicer to only have one.

There are a couple of things that made it so nice:

  • While it’s possible to multitask, it’s a lot more effective to focus on a single job at a time. It means that I was not just able to do the bare minimum, but I was able to think about a task or situation for a bit longer and in some cases come up with better or nicer ways to handle them.
  • When working on more than one project or task doesn’t mean you can plan them neatly one after the other. Usually both will require urgent attention at the same time, leaving you struggling to take care of both. As I’m a perfectionist that is not a nice feeling. I have long given up on being able to do my work “perfectly” as there will never be time for it and in most cases, it’s inefficient as well. But having to take care of two urgent jobs at the same time will mean stress, long days and less patience with people and situations.
  • Another nice side effect of only doing one role was that I was able to finish work approximately within work hours. I could do the work really well and still finish mostly on time. Also, as switching context a lot drains your energy, I also had more energy left to do other things in the evenings, like going for a run, or having dinner with friends.

I’m able to do this clear analysis, because I have multiple roles again now and I can clearly tell the difference. I did it to myself too, no one forced me to pick up another role. It looks like for the foreseeable future I will be using a bit more energy and hours for work. But perhaps I will have learned from this experience and this insight will help me when I’m in a situation where I can chase after an extra role again next time. One can always hope!

Keep calm and be nice

Leave a reply

Almost one daily basis we run into situations where people do things that in one way or another impact us. A car cutting you off on the road, a kid making a scene in the supermarket, a big bloke bumping into you on the street, or someone jumping the queue at the bakery store. It’s easy to get angry or annoyed in any of these situations. The person that you feel wronged you will most likely not even realize that you are angry though, let alone that they’d care. But it will certainly ruin your own mood.

I always try to think about why someone would act the way they do. Maybe they had a bad day at work, or they feel unwell, or they are distracted by worries over someone close to them. If you can think about a person in that way, it’s a lot easier to stay calm and not get upset.

Of course, it doesn’t always work. When I’m tired myself, or I had a difficult day, I sometimes snap over something that in hindsight is unimportant. Or in some cases people act in ways that can’t be explained by anything other than that they arSimply be the qualities you seek in otherse rude and egocentric.

I try to live by the rule that you should treat others the way you want to be treated. Even if they don’t treat you that way (yet). Simply because it makes you a nicer person. And I believe that in the end, you get what you give.

Using your voice of reason

Leave a reply

If you are in a management or consulting job, like me, chances are that you spend a lot of your day talking.
Hopefully you spend some time thinking about what you are saying (this might not be as obvious as it sounds ;-), but most likely you don’t really think about how you are saying it.
Yet to get your point across the “how” is almost as important as the “what”.

If you have a deep voice, you might tend to mumble or growl, which means you are hard to understand or come across as negative, even if you might not intent to.
If you have a high voice, you might accidentally squeak or scream, which means you come across as unsecure or hysterical.

Of course, the first thing to do is to make sure that you articulate well enough for people to be able to hear what you are saying. After that though, you should pay attention to how you are saying things.

I don’t have a high voice for a woman. However even when I was a teenager, if I would get a bit overexcited, my dad would ask me where my broomstick was. And you just know if your dad thinks you sound like a witch, your co-workers and customers will feel the same way. To come across as someone who’s in control, self-confident and has some authority, I must ensure that I keep the pitch of my voice down. No squeaking. That’s not always easy. Sometimes emotions run high and if that happens my voice tends to follow.

While it’s important to keep the pitch of your voice down, you should also ensure that you don’t sound monotonous. Especially if you are talking for a longer period of time, like when you’re presenting, it’s important to keep it lively and to slightly vary the pitch and the volume of your voice while telling your story. This will help to keep people interested and awake. No guarantees though, I’ve had people catch up on sleep while I was presenting more than once!

If you are due to present to a group of people you have the opportunity to practice what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. To most people, me included, it’s unpleasant to hear the sound of your own voice, but recording yourself is still the best way to improve your presentation skills.

If you are in a meeting in which you want to get your point across, you usually don’t have the opportunity to practice what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. This means you should stay alert and be kind to yourself. I sometimes get emotional and let out a squeak. Or I raise my voice to get my point across.
When that happens I try to take a deep breath. There’ll be other meetings and more opportunities to practice and improve!