The Art of Possibility by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander describes twelve practices. As so often I was fascinated and inspired by the first half of the book. While most of the practices weren’t completely new to me, the build-up to them and the angle from which they are introduced made me feel excited about trying them.
I don’t think the practices in the second half of the book are less valuable. Maybe I was too impatient. Maybe I should have paused my reading of the book to let the meaning of it and the ideas in it sink in. Or maybe the practices that are discussed in the first half happened to have been closer aligned to the challenges that interest me most right now.
The chemistry between Ros and Ben is clear, even in the writing. The completely different angles from which they approach life and this book lift each other up. The back and forths are highly enjoyable and I wish I could have a conversation with the two of them. Their writing is joyous and inspirational. I hope they are as happy together as they seem to be.
The most important rule described in the book is rule number 6.
I’ll share the story that introduces rule number 6 in full.
Two prime ministers are sitting in a room discussing affairs of state. Suddenly a man bursts in, apoplectic with fury, shouting and stamping and banging his fist on the desk. The resident prime minister admonishes him: “Peter,” he says, “kindly remember Rule Number 6,” whereupon Peter is instantly restored to complete calm, apologizes, and withdraws. The politicians return to their conversation, only to be interrupted yet again twenty minutes later by an hysterical woman gesticulating wildly, her hair flying. Again the intruder is greeted with the words: “Marie, please remember Rule Number 6.” Complete calm descends once more, and she too withdraws with a bow and an apology. When the scene is repeated for a third time, the visiting prime minister addresses his colleague: “My dear friend, I’ve seen many things in my life, but never anything as remarkable as this. Would you be willing to share with me the secret of Rule Number 6?” “Very simple,” replies the resident prime minister. “Rule Number 6 is ‘Don’t take yourself so seriously.”‘ “Ah,” says his visitor, “that is a fine rule.” After a moment of pondering, he inquires, “And what, may I ask, are the other rules?” “There aren’t any.”
This might be a silly story but I know a lot of people who could benefit from rule number 6, myself included. The jobs most of us do didn’t exist a hundred years ago. We made them up fairly recently. Hunters and gatherers didn’t have “operations leads” (my job). And yet none of our ancestors ever wished they had or were an operations lead. Just this little fact should be a reason for me to smile at the silliness of it all when I get overwhelmed by the (amount of) work that I feel I have to do.
I tend to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. Not just in work, but in life too. To worry about everyone’s well-being. An especially daunting task these days. I tend to be very hard on myself when I feel I’m not doing a good enough job, when I’m not a kind enough person, when I don’t give everyone the attention that I feel they deserve, when I don’t go running enough, when I skip abs, snack too much, or go to bed too late.
It’s impossible to always be happy and patient and full of energy. The more you feel like you have to be all of these things all of the time, the quicker you’ll drain your energy and feel the opposite. Wouldn’t it be nice to treat life as a game a bit more? I’m saying this and immediately my mind goes to how seriously many of us even take games today. You have to fear for your safety if you support the wrong sports club at the wrong moment in the wrong place, which is ridiculous if you think about it. But let’s be optimistic for a bit.
I’ve mentioned before that I’m learning to play the piano. I’m not talented but I love it and I’m stubborn. Every time I sit down behind the piano it’s an opportunity for expression and growth. I can learn something new and get better. If I mess up I start over and try again.
We do the same when we’re playing a sport. When hitting a hundred balls on a tennis court some will be beautiful and others will end up at the bottom of the net. But each ball is an opportunity to try again and get better.
How much more fun would life be if we could look at it and ourselves like this? If we could allow ourselves to try things and be ok if they don’t work out. We try, we fall, and we try again. We hopefully learned something. No need to pull ourselves down.
Because if we never fail or mess up, we’re almost certainly playing it safe and that means we’re not growing.
I’m practicing to take life as it is, not as I think it should be. When I’m out for a run in the pouring rain – again – I can get frustrated and grumpy. That’s the easy response in that moment. And I can tell you, it’s tempting. But I can also accept the rain. Be grateful that I’m running. Laugh at my feet soaking in my shoes. Laugh at myself for insisting to go for a run despite the dreadful weather.
If I start from what is without fleeing, blaming, or attempting to correct it gives so much space and peace of mind. It saves buckets of energy and allows the sky to open up, at least metaphorically.
If you could use a nudge towards acceptance and positivity I highly recommend checking out The Art of Possibility. You’ll get to spend some quality time with Ros and Ben in the process.
Kalliope, thank you for your blog posts. They always remind me, that it’s not only what we read or what we discuss, it’s about about how we reflect the words written by authors or words said by the people we have the dialog with.
I started to wonder if you find yourself more of a gatherer than a hunter by your heart? Or do you place yourself somewhere in between?
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Thank you for your kind response! Reading it made me happy.
I do indeed see myself as a gatherer more than as a hunter. I am learning though not to underestimate myself, even when I’m out of my comfort zone.
As an introvert, parts of me get challenged less these days. Staying home comes natural to me, it’s going out that requires a little nudge. I’m currently challenging myself to push a bit in other directions and so far that is working out quite well and I’m enjoying it.
I’ll never be a hunter though.
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Hi Mirjam! Ik heb je blog al een tijdje niet bezocht maar zag je linkje op LinkedIn en was benieuwd. Interessant stuk, goed geschreven ook! Ik hou ook wel van een personal development-boek op z’n tijd en dit klinkt als een boek dat zowel ‘lekker wegleest’ als interessante inzichten geeft voor het persoonlijke en professionele leven. Bedankt voor de tip, en ik ga zeker even verder neuzen in je blog!
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Hi Mark! Wat leuk om van je te horen en NOG leuker om hier van je te horen 😀.
Dank je wel voor het compliment. Ik vind schrijven echt erg leuk en de boeken die ik lees zorgen voor steeds weer nieuwe inspiratie.
Hier nog een oude bekende die dit een leuke ontdekking vindt! Heb het followen al aangezet en deze zet ik zeker ook op mijn nog-te-lezen-lijstje 🙂
Moet eens de tijd nemen om te neuzen in je blog-verleden. Ga ik vast met genoegen doorheen waden.
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Heeeey Gina! Wat leuk om van je te horen. En helemaal hier 😊.